Temper Tantrums
 
     

A temper tantrum occurs when a child is making his demands known or reacting to a frustration.  They may indicate the child’s anger and resistance to the “stop” signs that the parent uses to limit the child.  It is important to set these limits realistically and with consistency.

Discipline is Not punishment.  It is setting limits, and is accomplished by parent example, cooperation, insistence, isolation and disapproval.  After the parent has used discipline they should convey the message that the bad behavior has been paid for but that the same response will occur if the limit is violated again.

Anger is something you can not eradicate from human nature but you can help the child to control it.  If discipline is too repressive the child will be afraid to show anger and may become sullen.

Temper tantrums are common between the ages of 2 - 4 years when the children cannot make themselves understood verbally.  It is only when they occur many times in one day at an older age and are prolonged that they are significant of child-parent power struggle.

Prevention consists of:

  • Parent example:  As a parent you cannot afford to have a “hair-trigger” temper exploding when things go badly because of the poor example this sets for the child.
  • Do Not allow the temper tantrum to succeed in obtaining the objective, which was previously forbidden.
  • Do Not expect too much of a child.  Do Not expect them to be able to share, take turns, or sit quietly when such behavior is not possible at this age.  For instance, parents carrying on prolonged conversations with other adults, while expecting the bored child to sit quietly, frequently induce tantrums.  Bring the child into the conversation periodically if possible.
  • Establish consistency in setting limits.  Both parents must agree on the limits to be set.
  • Avoid unnecessary frustration.  A child requires a “childproof” environment against breakables, valuables and dangerous items.  Children are normally curious.  Avoid excessive criticism of minor or annoying infractions of the rules.
  • Praise good behavior and reward it with a word, a smile, a pat and a hug.  Attempt to catch and praise good behavior rather than looking for bad behavior.  Rewards in the form of toys and food should be for very special occasions only.  When rewards are given the child must be told what he did to earn the payoff.  They must not be given indiscriminately.
  • Temper Tantrums are more likely to occur when the child is fatigued, ill and hungry.

Breath Holding Spells occur in 5% of children 6 months to 2 years.  They are often due to the child being startled, frightened or angry.  Some of these children become very dusk, and may become unconscious.  When the unconsciousness occurs, they relax and breathe automatically.  A few children will have twitching or convulsions with these episodes. 

Some incident causing unhappiness precedes the crying and breath holding episodes and this separates this condition from other causes of unconscious and twitching.

The prevention of breath holding is like that of a temper tantrum.

The Difference Between Breath Holding and Convulsions

                        Breath Holding                                    Convulsion

Cause_______Always Present__________________Usually None

Crying             Almost Always Present                       Usually Not Present

 ___________ Before Convulsion________________________________

Blue Color      Almost Always Occurs                        Usually After The

 ___________ Before Loss Of Consciousness______ Attack Has Begun__

The Treatment of Temper Tantrums

  • Do not attempt to reason with the child.  It is useless at this time.
  • Remain calm to shorten the outburst.
  • An appropriate time after it is over (not immediately) calmly talk to the child and reassure them that they have not lost your love but that you do disapprove of the behavior.
  • If it is possible the child should be isolated from his audience.  If this is not possible, taking them off to some quiet place and distracting them as long as this does not give the attention they demand can distract them.

Ways To Establish Proper Behavior

In Summary:  If you answer one of the questions with a “No” you have found an area that needs improvement in your method of child teaching:

  • Do I set up reasonable rules for my children to obey?
  • Do I speak in a firm calm voice when I want my child to obey?
  • Do I tell the truth? (If I say it is hot or that it will burn, will it do just that).
  • Do I ration my “No’s” and allow reasonable behavior?
  • Am I consistent in my commands? (Do I forbid this week, what I forbade last week).
  • Do we, as husband and wife, have the same set of rules?
  • Am I consistent in punishment for repeated identical violations?
  • Do I set realistic goals for the child’s age?
  • Do I set a good example myself?                       
  
                 
     
         
                 
   
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